Birmingham Arrests

Birmingham City Council have issued a statement:-

"As Birmingham City FC have brought the good name of the City into disrepute we have requested that they henceforth revert to their previous name of Small Heath Alliance"

Alliance & Leicester Plc have objected on the grounds of their name being besmirched.The club has been asked to revert to their previous name of Small Heath Town FC

Councillor M. S. Jaspal(Heath Town, Wolverhampton) has objected on the grounds of the reputation of his ward being besmirched.

The club will were to be known as Small FC until KFC also objected on the grounds of their trading name being besmirched.

The club will henceforth be known as Small. Statement ends.

If former Villa left-back Bryan Small, or Mr Small (of Mr Men fame) were to also lodge complaints then Small Heath as they were known would be nameless.

A further statement followed from the club:-

Shares were suspended in Birmingham City Football Club this morning amid fears of financial meltdown at the West Midlands club.

Birmingham have confirmed that, following the flop of the Rabbbitron Master Stroke 450i, they are unable to meet the players wages and an emergency board meeting has been scheduled in HMP Winson Green for later this afternoon.

A club insider said: "We all knew it was a shit product and to tie the future financial success of the club to it was dangerous. Hopefully Mr Egg Foo Yung will step in and save us".

Birmingham have yet to officially confirm the story although rumours abound that this is beacuse they are still trying to find a club representative with the power of speech. Statement ends.

Another statement was soon released by the West Midlands Police Press Assc:-

Police have been left in a state of dildo confusion after arresting Birmingham City Football Club co-owner David Sullivan and the club's minging director Karen Brady.

The pair have been questioned by City of London Police on suspicion of conspiracy to defraud and false accounting.

Sullivan, who has amassed a fortune worth a reported six hundred million pounds, mainly from the largest chain of sex shops in the UK, is alleged to have brandished a dildo at officers who turned up to question him.

Sixteen dildo's were removed from his pockets before entering the police station.

Fearing similar behavior from Brady, who had apparently 'just got out of bed' and turned up for questioning in 'a foul mood' cops decided to body check the managing director for similar weaponary.

Although only two love eggs and a banana were found inside her jacket pocket, shocked cops managed to slide from her grizzly poontang what appeared to be a similar dildo to the one Mr. Sullivan had earlier brandished.

"You don't wanna be hit on the head with one of those things" said PC Richards, "I've seen a grown man knocked off his feet from the swing of a dildo".

To the cops surprise, the dildo began talking.

"We were shocked. You see alot in this job, but being spoken to by a slimy dildo was a first".

Taped to a chair in the questioning room, the dildo introduced himself as Derby County striker Paul Peschidildo, the husband of Karen Brady.

Investigations into the business dealings of Brady and Sullivan continue. The dildo was released without charge. Statement Ends

If this whole case goes to court, will Liam Ridgewell be acting for the defence? Bless em. I can happily say that I can't wait for April 20th now!